Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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