Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
