Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
