I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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