hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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