I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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