Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
