He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
