because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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