I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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