After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
