We won't sleep together?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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