i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And then my night got REAL pukey
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
