i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
