i think my tv is drunk
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
