wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
