if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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