If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
