Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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