then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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