and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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