DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
