so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You need Xanax blowdarts
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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