You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
