I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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