Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
