I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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