I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
