Sorry, I don't speak sober.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
