just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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