Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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