love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
