last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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