Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
