mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
