I wannas sexs uuuuu
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
