you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
