I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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