getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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