i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
