I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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