I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
