Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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