Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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