I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
