he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
