Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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