I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
