I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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