i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
