I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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