I just threw up on my dentist
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
