u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
