Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
