finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
