How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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