Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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