i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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