with your own penis?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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