It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
