Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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