bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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