I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
