I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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