If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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