I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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