I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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