stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
