I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
