I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
