what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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