I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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