I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
